Where is the paint brush?

The day is grey, cold and chilly. My mood is grey too. I feel stagnant. Caught in a space where there seems no escape. Boredom creeps in. The mind is numb. Nope not numb, actually is burning feverishly; hashing and rehashing the past and the present. Can’t find a way out! The picture I painted in my childhood is so different. Colorful, bright, full of hope! Not this grey celluloid. I can’t recognise any of the landscape. Hell I can’t recognise myself.

Where is I? The one who had infinite courage, the strength, the dreams, the hope, the vision. I seem to have lost myself somewhere in the path. The path has been treacherous. Deaths, disappointments galore! Melancholy!!

Fag end of the day and Suddenly the sun shines. And bows out blazing. Like showing a new way and disappearing. Giving a hint of what can be. The sun at least threw a blinding light on the web I am caught in. I realise I am holding onto a tangled web which doesn’t lead anywhere. The web of past!

Past relations, past memories, past dreams. I realise everything changed. I did. So did my friends, my relations, my dreams, my hope. Everyone/everything grows and changes, metamorphoses into the present. And keeps changing. Why then hold onto the past and what ifs. This web leads nowhere. It dawns on me that if I just let go of the past, forget about the future and hold onto the ‘now’, just ‘now,’ I might be a better person, even a happier one.

It irritates me that I find no one who can mentor me in new direction. Yet another realisation. No one can paint my vision, my dreams for me. Correction! Only one person can. Me! I can. I have that power. Then why not use it?

I turn around, turn my back to the past and face forward. I hope there is another picture there which reflects the present and hints the future. Consternation! It’s a BLANK CANVAS….

My little bird is flexing her wings…

Today my sweetheart started school, serious school (in US terms). I felt a little apprehensive letting her go into the world on her own. She will make her own decisions, choose her friends, learn new things (hopefully all good)! I will have little input in any of these. Till now I chose her friends, her playmates, her food, her toys. I taught her everything she knows right now. Hopefully, all that I have taught her will serve her well. The ball is now in her court.

Choose well my little one!

IQ...

IQ – Ego maker or ego dasher! I used to have a good enough IQ and now that I have started working on MENSA puzzles its fallen to above average. I need to get just 1 more right to make it to the good list and I have failed so far.

Never Mind I shan’t give up! BTW it also broke another dearly held illusion, I am not as poor at Maths as I thought and I am not as good in English as I thought!

Strange how life teaches us how wrong we are about ourselves when we are young and how right our parents are when they are parents!

On the subject of IQ, there is a great movie with the very same title. It has Meg Ryan and Tim Ribbins in the lead. And portrays Albert Einstein in a human (versus Supercomputer) role, playing a matchmaker. It’s a beautiful movie, Watch It!

Meanwhile, I will try to do one better.

PS – For the uninitiated, Mensa isn’t about women’s problems!

Summer's whizzing by...

Summer is nearly at its end….The wind is getting cooler, the flowers are wilting. Time to be out and about coming to an end, unless you want to be swaddled in layers of fabric.

Time just whizzed by. And I haven’t even sated my wanderlust. Went to Maine and that’s all. Not much is it?

Oh and I completed a year of blogging. Started in July and one year’s gone. Poof! Before I know it I am (also) marching towards middle age and I don’t much like it. I am expected to behave like an aunty and I stoutly refuse. I insist on being the giddyhead, goofy grin teenager.

How do you ensure that you pop off laughing ? The best way to ensure you go out laughing is to do a lot of embarrassing things. I think I would remember (if dementia doesn’t kick in) all my foolish exploits.

For instance, I remember puncturing cycle tyres of an uptight classmate; hiding under piles of clothes to catch a thief and enjoying a good nap, while a poor relative was out searching for me. Going through all the drawers and files when dad was out (he never found me out). And these are only the decent ones.

I have done a few unconventional things (and no I aint sharing it here). It’s for my own pleasure, of course and the victims or not as the case maybe. But I enjoyed it. Haven’t been naughty in a while. Actually haven’t really found someone crazy enough! Children become so serious once they grow up. I wonder why? I for one haven’t changed and I think people secretly think me an imbecile or irresponsible or immature, even arrogant. I like that! And mind you I fiercely guard my reputation. I am becoming more crazy, if at all that was possible. Always looking for a good laugh, and that is so hard to come by. So I create my own comic scenes and exercise my gills.

Fun! But my current partner in crime (my daughter) will start full-time school from September and what will I do then?

Unconquered!!!

Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

—Invictus (Unconquered)

My friend Samapda (thanks Shampoo) quoted a line from Invictus the movie, which made me read about it. The poem above is the poem Nelson Mandela used to keep up his spirits while in prison for 26 years.

I am lucky to have shared the world with two legends:

Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela

I hate love stories..esp when KJo is in self celebratory mode…

Oh my god…I am going through this torture my husband is putting me through. Nope he hasn’t decided to launch into SAP technical. He wants me to watch I hate Luv Stories. Should I be taking a hint?????

What a dumb story! The movie is about KJo going into a ‘Jai KJo, Jai KJo’ mode. The narratory mode of the movie is similar to Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Naa.. But that movie was uplifted by its better story line, not its acting.

IHLS can’t even boast of that. God knows what the hoohah over Imran Khan is. Samir Soni is way better in looks and acting department. And Sonam wouldn’t have come this far without the Kapoor tag. The attempts at humor are just that, attempts! An hour of Comedy Circus is million times better than this torture.

Please KJo stick to your coffee. Unfortunately there too you are pretty stale on guests. When new age directors are trying to break new ground, here comes this dinosaurian attempt at rehashing love. Jeez gimme a break!

Toy Story 3? Watch it..

Had a super long weekend here and decided to simply laze on the beach, read a book, catch a movie and eat out!!!!

Did all that with wavering grades of satisfaction. The beach was the best (free and beautiful, every time) till the time I was in water but the oppressive weather made me long for the air-conditioned confines of my home. Instead traded for the air-conditioned confines of the movies.

Watched Toy Story 3 in 3D. Liked the movie, loved the story idea but loathed the adverts before the movie. Too much, way too much adverts! Was almost about to doze off but the loud Dolby stereo kept shaking me out of my stupor.

I haven’t seen the previous two installments but Toy Story 3 had a good enough stand-alone story. I loved the idea of toys always wanting to be played and getting royally ignored. I hate the fact that my daughter barely touches her big Kitchen complete with a microwave, an oven and a sink or her beautiful dollhouse. Pity I didn’t get any of that when I was a kid. I remember having only one toy, a tea set. We were a group of nearly 10-15 kids who would play “REAL” games versus “REALITY” based games. Ahh but the fun we used to have!!! I remember always being Kapil Dev, my neighbour Vaishali used to be Ravi Shastri and her younger sister Purvi, Sunil Gavaskar. We were a team! Always together.

The movie gave several good messages but it’s a waste considering most kids in the audience have way too many toys and too little friends to care about anything. Some of the moments were hilarious like the Barbie-Ken meeting. “Buzz” in his Spanish mode. Otherwise the movie tries to tug at your heart, gets it right, Almost!

Go watch it but save the money on 3D if you can!

Also caught up with Chetan Bhagat’s Five point someone. If V.V. Chopra says the movie was just ‘inspired’ by the book, its a downright lie. Most of the incidences in the movie 3 Idiots were a direct lift from the book. The only thing that one can say for the movie maker is that the add-ons in the script were mostly good and augmented the story thereby taking the movie to a higher level than the book.

The book would appeal only to IITians / premium institute engineers, but the movie appeals to everyone who is/was a student. The movie is definitely better than the book. The movie, however had million bucks behind it.

Chetan Bhagat should have been given credit to the story. No wonder not very many original writers exist in Bollywood! I believe Chetan Bhagat will surely have a tough time to survive in tinsel town now that he has offended BIG people and B Town folks stick together.

There goes my vision of becoming a top writer. Poof!