Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Mumbai--- meri jaan!!!!


Actually Bombay meri jaan sounds so much better!!! But I rather conform to the T family's diktat. Or else...

You see anyone who doesn't, is forced to apologise after being beaten up publicly or forced to leave the state. Sad isn't it? Considering that Mumbai got to where it is because it always welcomed enterprising people from all over India and the world.
Ofcourse now you better have a birth certificate to prove you were born there before you think of setting up house or shop in Mumbai..I am not Marathi but I am a Mumbaiite...I haven't been to Mumbai in about 9 years except for a 10 days trip in 2007. I saw little change but what change I did see made me happy.

Small changes like concretised roads, cement tiles at crossroads most prone to potholes, better buses and fast service. Efficient if you dole out the money.

I have now stayed in 3 continents, 3 countries and 8 cities. I wish I can add to this statistics, but then that's another blog. I feel Mumbai beats any other city in India hands down in terms of efficiency, infrastructure and more importantly human resource. People are generally more helpful, more resourceful, more knowledgeable, and more receptive to new ideas than any other city I have been to.

Even the IT city Bangalore lags dismally in terms of roads, transport, water and even garbage disposal. Mumbai despite bursting at the seams is managing to provide its inhabitants a decent living (I talk ofcourse of the burgeoning middle-class).

But what do I read in the papers?? That the average Mumbaikar dies younger than any other Indian...Why? Because poor Mumbaiikar gets up in the morning, runs to catch the train, works, run to catch the train back home, eats and sleeps. The only holiday Sunday is then spent in socialising, family time, domestic chores, and other work. When does he get to just relax? Nope not even when he is retired. Because he is expected to look after the grand children. He is expected to be productive to the last dying breath else he is a big burden. Like an Amritsari had once told me, Mumbai me sab hamesha bhaagte hi rehte hai.

The poor Mumbaikar scrambles to save money to buy a match box flat, the flat TV, perhaps a semi auto washing machine and hopefully the nanoest of the cars. If not a bike will do very well. He motivates himself with his small dreams and small achievements.

He tries not to fall foul of the authorities (thats everyone in the government from the chaprasi to the chief minister), tries to avoid any road bumps and to drag his life over all potholes till a bomb explodes in the train or a car rams into him. Ofcourse he doesn't even dream of a fast & efficient medical aid. He knows he will die on the road or on the way to the hospital. And probably the ambulance driver will haggle with his harried family for bakshis to get his body back home.

Why should he not die sooner than the others? What incentive does he really have to live till 90 and live well at that? What support will he have? Everyone else will be keen to see him dead anyways.

Answers anyone????




Wednesday, October 21, 2009

God's little gestures :)

What ever that happens in life, happens for good..... so stop worrying about the future and forget the past.
After Sept. 11th, one company invited the remaining members of other companies who had been decimated by the attack on the Twin Towers to share their available office space.
At a morning meeting, the head of security told stories of why these people were alive...... and all the stories were just the 'LITTLE' things.
As you might know, the head of the company survived that day because his son started kindergarten.
Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.
One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time. One of them missed his bus. One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.
One's car wouldn't start. One went back to answer the telephone.
One had a child that dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he should have.
One couldn't get a taxi.
The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.
Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone... all the little things that annoy me, I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment...
So Next time your morning seems to be going wrong, the children are slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated.
God is at work watching over you & taking care of you

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A little help for u lost men!!! What women want and expect?

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

- You make the bed (+1)
- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
- In the rain (+8)
- But return with Beer (-5)
- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
- It’s her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
- Named Tina (-4)
- Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY

- You take her out to dinner (0)
- You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
- Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
- And it’s all-you-can- eat night (-3)
- It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

- You take her to a movie (+2)
- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
- It’s called ‘DeathCop’ (-3)
- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
- You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

ENJOY THE ‘BIG’ QUESTION

- She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
- You hesitate in responding (-10)
- You reply, “Where?” (-35)
- Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____ex-pression (0)
- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Men + Women = ???

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy

Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work

In other words,
A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++++

Equation 2

Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money

Therefore:
Man-earn money = Donkey

In other words
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++++

Equation 3

Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey

In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++++

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend

So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!

So, We have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Happy Dashera everyone


Wish u all a Happy Dashera and to all Bongs, a Shubho Bijoya!!!

Had fun this weekend!!! After a very long time celebrated Durga Puja or Navratri.. Funnily enough the Indian diaspora here doesn’t celebrate Durga Puja on the festival dates. It is celebrated much earlier or later depending on the convenience of members. Therefore the last couple of years, we haven’t been able to celebrate the Puja traditionally, i.e. visiting pandals all night, eating out, catching up with all ur Bong friends..Make no mistake daahlings, eating out is a major ritual during Durga Puja for the true blood Bongs. Bish has missed out on Pushpanjali, which he used to do religiously every year. And his biggest sorrow is missing out on the street food “chaat” Bong style!!!

This weekend 3 couples met up at a friend’s house. Each of the ladies had made a puja offering, called bhog, item. So the menu was Puri, Labra (Indian veg dish made of 7 different vegetables), Baingan Bharta, and Alu Sabzi. The desert was Srikhand and some yum yum Halwa.

We ate, talked, watched some TV and then talked some more. Since the kids were really having a good time, we thought we will push up their sleep time. Don’t know how the downstairs neighbours felt about that. We adults chatted and chatted and chatted. My mother’s maiden surname used to be Chatterjee. :)

When we thought its time to go home, the time actually was 5.30 am…It was our first all nighter after a decade. We finally left after drinking tea at 8 am :) . The last I stayed awake the whole night was just during my Board exams. Felt like a kid again! The heady combo of fun, food and friends made this weekend a time to remember.

We are planning to do this again. We are pushing for a Ladies Day out and an all nighter, but doubt if our male partners will agree.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Men n Women

Top ten lies men tell:

1. Nothing's wrong, I'm fine
2. This will be my last pint
3. No, your bum doesn't look big in that
4. I had no signal
5. My battery died
6. Sorry, I missed your call
7. I didn't have that much to drink
8. I'm on my way
9. It wasn't that expensive
10. I'm stuck in traffic

Top ten lies women tell:

1. Nothing's wrong, I'm fine
2. Oh, this isn't new, I've had it ages
3. It wasn't that expensive
4. It was in the sale
5. I'm on my way
6. I don't know where it is, I haven't touched it
7. I didn't have that much to drink
8. I've got a headache
9. No, I didn't throw it away
10. Sorry, I missed your call

Source: DailyMail

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